can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
