Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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