I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize