3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
