What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
