so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
