forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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