I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
