the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
