we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Houston, we have a squirter
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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