Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
