Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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