Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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