walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
