My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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