I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
