im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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