Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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