girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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