i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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