I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
