You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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