I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
do nipples grow back?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
