i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
