They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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