it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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