Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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