Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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