If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
