I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
