Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
BRING THE BAGELS
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
