thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
