I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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