i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
