Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
