I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize