there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
