New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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