i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
