guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
