my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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