Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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