So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's always time for handjobs
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
