Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I need help removing her.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
