tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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