okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
