I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
