I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
