Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
