Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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