So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it's like iHOP with fire
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
