I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dicks are not precious.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
