apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
