I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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