your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
