marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
