apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
