She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
