Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
