I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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