I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
