im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
