Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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