You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
