I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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