Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fuck appropriateness.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We left the knife in your bed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
